Its 01:57am here in Bangalore. I just drank a cup of tea two hours ago and the
caffeine is keeping me awake. I am
currently listening to an audio track by Sri Sri Ravishankar called “Jesus the
embodiment of love.” We are in the
middle of diwali here. Yesterday was the
opening of a new dance studio above the apartment where I am staying. Hip-hop, salsa and a plethora of modern dance
styles advertised on the big billboard outside.
I met the young dance instructor at the staircase, with his stylized
hair, matching jewelry and trendy clothes and he invited me to come along for
the opening party. As a matter of
convenience coupled with curiosity, I decided to go.
The balloons and fresh flowers lined the steps to the
studio, from the ground floor, upward, past our apartment and treatment center and
paved the way into the entrance of the studio above us, filling it with color
and anticipation from those attending.
The dance hall was well decorated and filled with fluorescent lighting. Unusually, In the middle of the studio sat a
pandit(hindu priest) conducting a puja(prayer).
With calm ease, mantras were chanted; a coconut was broken on the dance
floor in the middle of the unique display of flowers, fruits and incense. It was an odd scene for me that defied my initial
expectations, but somehow, it felt strangely warm and welcoming as I began to
take my seat. After the puja, blessed
fruit and sweet and blessed water was given to all present and the show
commenced with a brief introduction to dance and its spiritual origin. This grabbed my interest and I listened
intently, trying to map the spoken vernacular to my conceptual view.
The young instructor took his place on the dance floor and
the show began. Lyrical hip-hop. This is the dance style that he was announced to perform. I watched
him as he took to the floor; I watched his cool confidence and calm expression.
I noticed his dressing and his body language prior to the dance. My mind started building its concepts again: Age, education, upbringing, culture, habits,
views. When he started dancing, though,
my attention slowly began to shift. It
shifted from the unique peculiarities of this person to his offering: the dance,
and slowly I began to drift from thinking and conceptualizing into feeling, as
the rhythm of the music, the smell of the incense and flowers, the colors and
the movement began to take over my senses.
The peculiar dancer was no longer there in front of me, there was just
his offering: the dance. It seemed to absorb the entire environment into itself
and express it more intensely. I started
feeling something move inside me. A
tremendous burst of energy started pouring out from within me as I began to
feel the movement and music as it started coming from within. No longer was the boy there. As he began to pour himself more and more into
his art form, giving his 100%, there was no more dancer, just the dance. That dance became everything at that
moment. Nothing else existed.
In India one of the thoughts about God is expressed in the sanscrit:
“Nataraja” meaning the Lord of the dance or the cosmic dancer. Shiva means “that bliss” that transcendental
state beyond form, beyond labels and concepts, one that cannot be experienced
in any attempt by the mind. Shiva is also accompanied by other names:
Mahakaala (beyond time) Mahakasha (beyond space). Shiva is not a person or an entity. It has never been so. Shiva is an energy. It is an origin. An essence. Throughout
the ages when people have attempted to express this cosmic dancer, Shiva is
placed inside a ring of fire. He is also
standing on a body. The body
represents an inert and static view: the ego, the sense of “I”. The fire symbolizes the trans-mutative part of
Prakriti or manifest existence. The whole existence, everything we experience
with the senses, comes from the five greater elements: the spaciousness, the
vastness, the (akasha) gives a platform, an invitation to movement (vayu), this
movement causes friction, fire (agni,) which in turn combusts, creating (jal),
the liquid becomes more stable and concrete and solidifies itself into (prithvi)
or earth. Within the earth itself is a
spaciousness (the physics is clear) and so this process continues indefinitely making
up the manifest existence from single celled micro organisms to vast universes.
We are all looking for God.
We decorate this search with color and theories but at its heart, it is
an existential search. It is subjective
and also descriptive. We are looking outside
ourselves from within. We are searching
for some unique peculiarities based on some concept. “God is good.
God is kind. Generous. Loving, benevolent, holy, powerful………the list
goes on.” But there are obstacles that
we must overcome in order to find him.
Externalities. And amidst all
these apparent things that make up our external environment, these distractions
and attractions, these objects, these “people”, these occupations and
preoccupations, we hope to find this God, a separate entity. We grew up in our various religious circles
painting us some picture, giving us some expectation of who or what or how this
God is. And we live our lives hoping to
have an experience of him/her/it based on our conceptual understanding and
expectation.
When I think about this boy who recently danced for us and
when I consider every artist that gives completely in their art, I acknowledge
that the true artist, when creating, leaves nothing of himself behind. In that moment of pure expression, if one is
truly authentic, sincere and devoted to his or her art then that act of giving,
of pouring out, of pure expression leaves no peculiarity behind. No one remembers the face of Vincent van
Gough or Leonardo davinci or Michaelangelo, Beethoven, Vaalmiki, Veda Vyasa, Kabir
Das, Meera Bhai. Their unique
peculiarities and features all fade in light of their art.
The depth of love is when ego has completely dissolved. There is no longer any “I” that is
expressing. There is only the
expression. There is no longer the
dancer, just the dance. The dancer is
lost in the dance. God is no longer in
the unique peculiarities. If you are
looking for God you will not find him. Because
he is no personality or thing.
There is no comparison or contrast.
He is and is in everything. God
has lost himself in his expression and because of great love is continuously
pouring himself outwardly. Love is a law
unto itself. It exists without intention
or expectation. There is a rhythm to
this existence. Everything that
manifests must also have its dissolution.
In this prakriti, in this nature there is entropy and atrophy. The particles combine and dissolve. The energy dissipates and takes some other
form. Everything is giving itself up, it sacrifices itself in order to take another form. You are the expression, the very
molecules and atoms and particles that comprise you is the divine manifesting
itself and once again sacrificing itself.
I keep thinking
about Jesus: An echo in the stillness. A fire in the darkness. A hush in the
crowd. I keep thinking about his message
about life and its transience. I keep
thinking about his message to give up these notions about staticity and inertia, these preoccupations with accumulating
and hoarding. I keep thinking about his
message to surrender, to give it up, and to celebrate in the experience of
no-thing-ness. In this is his challenge
to discover our divine origin, our heavenly father, our cosmic dancer. Jesus hanging on a cross, arms spread, saying
“father forgive…..” has become a love symbol of the sacrificial nature of existence, a challenge to us all, a dance of the nature returning to the source. Om Nama Shivaya.
